Asking for a Friend: Help! I just got braces, and now I am too nervous to talk to people. What should I do?
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Dear Friend,
I’m really struggling with my braces. I know many people my age have them but it’s impacting my social life because I’m so scared to talk to people. It’s taken such a hit on my self-esteem. What should I do?
Signed, Braced for embarrassment
Dear Braced,
There’s such a high cost for beauty, eh? We admire your courage to endure a few years of braces to have nice teeth. Not everyone can do that!
Being a teenager is awkward enough, and braces don’t help much. We can imagine it is impacting your social life because it feels like people are always noticing your mouth and it’s embarrassing, right?
As you mentioned, lots of people have braces. However, it feels more intense when we have them. Braces can help improve your bite structure and how you feel about yourself in the long run, but they make us feel uncomfortable at first.
It must be hard to fear talking to people. It might feel like having a pimple on your forehead and noticing people notice it – it’s just uncomfortable. Even worse, braces last a few years!
Help! My classmates tease me for being short. What should I do?
However, have you realised that when you talk to someone with a pimple, you end up being so into the conversation you don’t even notice the zit any more?
This is what happens when we talk to people; they end up noticing you more than your appearance. We are the only ones who constantly notice and judge ourselves for how we look.
It’s true that everyone passes judgment, and that’s not fun. However, most people don’t spend the whole day judging you. That would take up too much time, and no one would get anything done.
The key is to acknowledge to yourself that the situation is awkward and it sucks. However, ask yourself: what can I do about it? Should I give up my braces? Should I give up talking to people? Is it even possible? What am I in control of?
You can’t control other people, so focus on the things you can control. You can make sure your teeth are clean. You are in control of who you talk to, and you can choose to talk to people who are welcoming and non-judgemental.
The most important thing is to remember that most people don’t have the time to worry about how you look. The more you think about it, the more you will realise that it only bothers one person, and that person is you.
Hang in there! It’s tough to be a teenager. This embarrassment shall pass, and your happy, beautiful smile will be worth it when you get your braces off.
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Katie Leung Pui-yan, a practicising child and family therapist and partner at TherapyPartners.