Opinion / What, no chimney? How does Santa Claus deliver presents to apartment blocks, anyway?
Father Christmas is facing a spot of bother in Christmas 2019, as Elon Musk has nabbed his electric flying sleigh idea, and children write asking not for toys, but for world peace and sustainable fuel
Mr Claus was not amused. “Every year this happens,” he boomed at the assembled elves.
“I ask you clowns to figure out a dignified way to get into these apartments, and every year the answer is the same: ‘Squeeze in through the air conditioning’.” With that quote, he mimicked the elf sergeant’s admittedly squeaky voice.
Sergeant Poppy was indignant. “Sir!” she exclaimed, drawing herself up to her full, 15cm height, “we are not clowns”. She relaxed a little. “Besides, what choice do we have? We can hardly go in through the front door – security will catch us and the jig will be up. Plus, there’s CCTV!”
Sergeant Poppy’s even smaller second-in-command went pale. “See-see tee-veeee,” he piped, mournfully. A single tear rolled down his tiny cheek.
‘Have we considered …’ Poppy paused, ‘the drains?’
Tensions were running high among the team. Hong Kong was always a tricky one: it was brightly lit, densely populated, and vertical, all factors that hindered the stealthy piloting of an enormous flying sledge. Worst of all, the houses did not have chimneys.
“Pah,” rumbled Claus. “Obviously, we can’t go in through the entrance. I mean, it goes without saying we can’t go through the entrance. What else have you got?”
The troupe peered down from their perch atop Hysan Place. The droves in Causeway Bay were showing no signs of dispersing.
“Have we considered …” Poppy paused, “the drains?”
“Crawl up through the sewers?!” Claus exclaimed. “What sort of Christmas deity would do that? I resent the mere suggestion. I might be a public servant, but I still have a good name among some circles. The Finns, for example.”